Insomnia
by blackswan13
Summary: Amanda tries to forget her trouble sleeping by working at night. Luckily Olivia comes by and helps Amanda with the emotional toll her insomnia is taking on her. Just a hurt/comofrt one shot.


Hey guys,  
this is a one shot I wrote three weeks ago in the middle of the night when I woke up and could not fall asleep again, because of everything that was going on inside of my head.  
I hope some of you like it. At least it helped me a bit to calm down that night.

INSOMNIA

Restless. Amanda Rollins was feeling absolutely restless. She had barely caught any sleep the last two weeks. At most three hours per night. She didn't know the exact reason for her inability to rest properly. There were just so many thoughts, memories and emotions floating through her brain whenever she tried to close her eyes. She always laid awake for hours thinking about her past, the present and her future.

Today she woke up at three am after only two hours of sleep. Opening her eyes she immediately knew she wasn't going to fall asleep again. The never ending thoughts were always making everything worse. She did not want to spend the next few hours alone in her bed thinking and worrying, so Amanda decided to just go to the precint and do some paperwork.

These days she was working day and night in order to distract herself from the thoughts that were trying to drown her. She had gotten so far ahead with her paperwork that it was all done and she had started filling in the reports of her collegues instead. Carisi was incredibly grateful for Amanda's help and he kept calling her a workaholic, amused by her need to work constantly. Fin in contray seemed to be worried about Amanda's new strange behaviour. He had a suspicion concerning her trouble sleeping. But Amanda did not really care about what her co-workers were thinking as long as she could she keep herself busy.

It was shortly after four am that the blonde heard the elevator coming to a halt at SVU's floor. Until now she had always been alone when working that early.  
She heard someone's footsteps approaching her. For a moment she was convinced to recognize the sound of her boss' shoes. But that could not be. Why on earth would Olivia show up at the precint in the middle of the night when she was already working a full time job?

„Rollins.", she heard the lieutenant say in a slightly surprised and worried manner.

Amanda turned around. It was indeed Olivia standing behind her, without Make-Up and in some casual clothes she would never wear at work. She looked beautiful anyway, Amanda noticed.

„Hey, Lieutenant.", she said with a slightly trembling voice. She felt extremely nervous all of a sudden. She saw the confusion and -even worse- the concern in Liv's eyes.

„What are you doing here in the middle of the night?", Amanda asked her carefully.

Liv gave her a slight smile replying:  
„That's what I just wanted to ask you. I woke up and noticed that I had left my phone in my office, so I quickly drove here to get it, before catching a bit more sleep. What about you?"

Damn, Amanda started chewing her lip inside her mouth to control the upcoming emotions that were suddenly there again.

„Ahm, I still had to get some paperwork done.", she lied.

Liv sighed, shook her head and sat down on a chair next to her detective.

„You know, I am aware of you having done all your work already. And since we are not having any open cases at the moment, I assume you're working on Fin and Carisi's paperwork again."

Amanda felt her cheeks blushing from being caught lying to her boss.

„Why are you doing this Amanda? I can literally see how tired and stressed out you are. Why not try to rest a bit, catch some sleep?"

Amanda was horrified when she felt tears starting to form in her eyes. Was it her overtiredness that was making her so emotional. She felt lonely even though Liv was sitting right next to her. Why was Olivia always getting to her that much?  
What if she would never be able to sleep more than three hours at a time again? She could not stand being awake for so long, cause being awake meant having thoughts in her head that she would rather not have. She turned her face away to quickly blink off the tears.

Amanda cleared her throat before speaking because she did not trust her voice.  
„I can't sleep very well, so…"

When she looked into Olivia's eyes and saw this warmth inside, she felt like crying again. There was so much compassion, sympathy and concern in those brown orbs that it was somehow painful for Amanda.

„Why? What's going on? What's keeping you up, honey?", Liv asked.

Olivia's caring voice and the pet name was all it took to make Amanda's tears fall. She felt the hot salty liquoid streaming down her face. She did not want to cry, especially not in front of her boss, but wiping the tears away was useless when new ones kept coming.

Suddenly she felt Olivia's hands on her own. Liv took Amanda's hands and pulled them away from her face, in order to prevent her from wiping off her tears.  
„Stop that. Don't try to suppress it. It's okay to cry sometimes.", Olivia said while she squeezed the younger woman's hands in a reassuring way.

Amanda shook her head. She did not want to feel her vulnerabilty.

Without hesitating Liv brought Amanda into her arms and held her tightly. The blonde's head was resting on her shoulder now wetting Olivia's T-shirt with her tears.

„Schh… just let go for once, Amanda. It's okay. I'm right here with you.", the brunette whispered into soft blonde hair while stroking Amanda's shaking back.

Amanda thought about escaping her boss' arms to just run away. She did not want to seem as if she needed to be comforted like a little girl.  
But the embrace just felt too good to let go. She almost wanted Olivia to hold her forever.


End file.
